Front cover of a self-proclaimed ‘terrific’ Horrors comic I was writing when I was young featuring ‘real horror movies with changed story lines’. And that becomes fairly evident when Freddy Krueger smashes through a window and says “Die time, twit!” at a victim.

Front cover of a self-proclaimed ‘terrific’ Horrors comic I was writing when I was young featuring ‘real horror movies with changed story lines’. And that becomes fairly evident when Freddy Krueger smashes through a window and says “Die time, twit!” at a victim.

Excerpt from an essay I wrote for school about what made me ‘different’.
"Forks of lightning crash upon the hills like knives plunging into a victim. I love the hills. So, that is what makes me different. A lot different."
Surprisingly, I was never arrested for trying to stab a hill to death.

Excerpt from an essay I wrote for school about what made me ‘different’.

"Forks of lightning crash upon the hills like knives plunging into a victim. I love the hills. So, that is what makes me different. A lot different."

Surprisingly, I was never arrested for trying to stab a hill to death.

My English teacher ripping my essay for being like a computer game, then reviewing it like a Final Fantasy game. If only I’d given her some Doritos.

My English teacher ripping my essay for being like a computer game, then reviewing it like a Final Fantasy game. If only I’d given her some Doritos.

Can’t stop laughing at this picture of Mother Teresa I coloured in at school.

Can’t stop laughing at this picture of Mother Teresa I coloured in at school.

Here’s a Smash Hits-style interview with notorious dream-based child murderer Freddy Krueger I did as part of a horror magazine I was writing as a child. Not sure what terrifies me more - Freddy’s slashing humour or my attempt at drawing a star around his head. Have a slashing time.

Here’s a Smash Hits-style interview with notorious dream-based child murderer Freddy Krueger I did as part of a horror magazine I was writing as a child. Not sure what terrifies me more - Freddy’s slashing humour or my attempt at drawing a star around his head. Have a slashing time.

A bum producing blue smoke and terrifying a man. As it would. I’m sure there was a reason for this drawing, but I’m having a lot of trouble trying to imagine what it could be.

A bum producing blue smoke and terrifying a man. As it would. I’m sure there was a reason for this drawing, but I’m having a lot of trouble trying to imagine what it could be.

More of my teenage poetry. I’m surprised I haven’t been approached for a book deal yet.
In case you can’t read my scrawl and you miss out on some of the best selection of words since Plath, I’ve transcribed it for you:
The End
The grains of blue-tac was vomit
As the hair of grass approached
The grains exploded
And the grass died soon
And this is a poem with the end in it.

More of my teenage poetry. I’m surprised I haven’t been approached for a book deal yet.

In case you can’t read my scrawl and you miss out on some of the best selection of words since Plath, I’ve transcribed it for you:

The End

The grains of blue-tac was vomit

As the hair of grass approached

The grains exploded

And the grass died soon

And this is a poem with the end in it.

KILL EVERYBODY EXCEPT BARRY AND ME.
Apparently this is my plan to do away with all of my classmates except myself and Barry. I don’t remember who Barry was, but clearly he was either watching me draw this or I really liked him. Given that I don’t remember him, I’m going to assume he was watching.
My standard method was via some sort of sword, however I’ve mixed shit up by allowing Darren to be chomped by some flying toothy bastard, and poor Christopher has been stabbed via a multi-handled blade. Or impaled on a fence.
Morbidly, I’ve even drawn the mega-coffin to hold them all.
I get the feeling this could be used as evidence against me at some point.

KILL EVERYBODY EXCEPT BARRY AND ME.

Apparently this is my plan to do away with all of my classmates except myself and Barry. I don’t remember who Barry was, but clearly he was either watching me draw this or I really liked him. Given that I don’t remember him, I’m going to assume he was watching.

My standard method was via some sort of sword, however I’ve mixed shit up by allowing Darren to be chomped by some flying toothy bastard, and poor Christopher has been stabbed via a multi-handled blade. Or impaled on a fence.

Morbidly, I’ve even drawn the mega-coffin to hold them all.

I get the feeling this could be used as evidence against me at some point.

Frank The Baddie.

The story of a gun-toting bad fella with a mullet called Frank who apparently chases people into their homes, proceeds to blow them up using a hair-dryer that fires lasers, then celebrates enthusiastically. If nothing else, that’s a fantastic combination colours on him, a most conspicuous look for a madman. He also only has one eye, which may explain his fantastic aim.

Part 1 of Masked Evil, in which Masked Evil is really evil and masked. More worrying, however, is that lady’s long torso and mullet.

Part 1 of Masked Evil, in which Masked Evil is really evil and masked. More worrying, however, is that lady’s long torso and mullet.