A series of letters I wrote between imaginary psychotic arseholes Jake Sintang and Martin Robcony.
First letter reads:
“Hey Jake, you leave my buddy Jason Canto and just on Wednesday I killed David Conway. NOW IT’S YOUR TURN. I shall kill you on the day David Conway planned. I shan’t tell you it though. Martin Robcony.”
So this Martin fella isn’t just confessing to murdering someone else in correspondence, but threatening its recipient. So when did David Conway plan?! When will Jake’s life end at the hands of the tactless blabbermouth Martin?! Read on…
“Yo Marto, I know that date! It’s April Fool’s Day! And on that day I shall kill you and Jason Canto and if you don’t say at my funeral - YOU TOTAL BUM JAKE! Jake Sintang.”
Ha ha ha. It’s okay, it turns out the date Martin threatened to kill Jake was April Fool’s Day so nobody is getting ki… oh, wait, Jake just threatened to kill Martin then instead. And then dribbled some shit about his own funeral, and then called someone a total bum, the most threatening term ever. When will the movie be released?